Terrace Terrors – Richard Allen

I didn’t care much for this one. Ex-skinheads in their early 20s saying things like “Darling, let’s have a baby.” What the fuck’s that about then? Why are they ex-skinheads so young, and why are they talking like a bunch of upper class twonks? The ones on the cover look like a pair of fucking hippies too, so they must’ve been growing their hair for a good few years.

Anyway, Richard Allen’s proto-football hooligan book could have been a lot better. There’s very little “aggro” in it for a start, which I would have thought would be a prerequisite for a book like this. Mind you, the “football hooligans” are all 13 years old, so I suppose that explains it. Apparently in this parallel world hooliganism is something you grow out of after your first wank.

But the football clubs are worried about all these teeny-terrors, so they send in baby-wanting ex-skinhead Steve Penn to sort them out. This he does, and seeing a way to get rich quick his ex-skinhead bird (who dreams of nothing more than getting married) helps him set up a new business employing lots of other ex-skinheads to act as bouncers for the football clubs.

Obviously the “fuzz” don’t like the idea of ex-skinheads pinching their jobs, so they petition the government to intervene and get the ex-skinheads outlawed. Cue lots of ex-skinheads rushing to their wardrobe to don boots and braces to get around the ban.

Not as bad as Punk Rock, but certainly not far off.



About Marcus Blakeston

Ex-shouting poet, ex-fanzine writer, ex-angry young man (now growing old disgracefully). Living in sunny Yorkshire with his wife, children and motorcycle, Marcus still has a healthy distrust of all forms of authority.
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One Response to Terrace Terrors – Richard Allen

  1. David Jewitt says:

    hahahaha well put; made me grin ;-)

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